


He's Dangerous

by TomiShaped



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crazy, Drama, Family Drama, M/M, Psychological Drama, Twincest - Not Related, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:31:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2715683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomiShaped/pseuds/TomiShaped
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <img/>
</p><p>“She’s known me a long time.” He said with a shrug, “She’s right though. You shouldn’t be here with me. You shouldn’t be anywhere near me.” He said, not taking his eyes off of me anymore, “I told you to leave me alone, Bill.” His tone was as calm and almost monotone as it was every other time he had spoken to me. “Hailey did have every right to be worried.” </p><p>“Worried about what? I’m not going to hurt you, Tom.” </p><p>Tom laughed a little sadly, shaking his head and taking a drink again, “She’s not worried about me, Bill. She’s worried about you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**|| BILL’S POV ||**

“I hear he just got out of jail, killed someone or something like that.” Ashley whispered to me, both of our eyes watching the man who was sitting down the bar from us.

He sat alone, nursing the same beer for the two hours and just stared at the mug in his hands most of the time. The only time he looked up was when the Katie, the bartender, would ask him if he needed anything else. He would shake his head and hand her dollar for a tip with a small thanks. He was mysterous, strange… it wasn’t the first time he’d been here. Ashley and I had seen him here almost every night the last month. And he always did the same thing. Katie didn’t seem to mind him just sitting there. Some nights he would have a second beer, but usually he just sat there and nursed the single one until he left- always leaving Katie a huge tip under the glass.

“I don’t think he just got out of jail, Ash…” I said, tilting my head to the side and chewing on one of my lip rings. “I think he’s sad. Maybe we should go and talk to him.”

“We are _not_ going to talk to him, Bill. He obviously has no interest in talking to anyone. I don’t even think I’ve seen him say anything. He’s… weird, I think the rumor is true.”

“And I think you’re a crazy bitch, but that doesn’t make it true.” I said, rolling my eyes before I turned my attention to the pretty red head behind the bar, “Katie! Come here for a second!”

“What’s up guys? Need something else?” She asked as she came over to us, leaning on the counter. We’ve known Katie since high school, she was a year above us but she had always been a sweet girl.

“I need to know about him,” I said, nodding to the man we had been staring at all night. God, I wonder if he knew that he was incredibly sexy. He didn’t seem too. His hair was long, pulled back at the base of his neck and he had scruff that he would scratch at occasionally. It was one of the few times he moved at until he left.

“I’m sorry guys, I don’t know much about him,” she said with a little shrug, “His name is Tom. He’s been coming in here for about a week. He just tells me to pick him out something on tap, and sits here for the next few hours. And he’s a pretty damn amazing tipper.”

“So he’s nice?”

“I dunno… he’s quiet,” She shrugged a little, tucking her long hair behind her ears, “I dunno what I can you guys. If you wanna know about him, you’re gonna have to ask yourself. But I doubt he’ll answer you, he’s not much of a talker.”

“Thanks anyways,” I said with a small pout and she smiled a little at us before going back to make drinks for someone else. I wanted to know more about him. Katie was no fucking help.

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” I decided, pushing myself up from the bar- ignoring my best friends protest as I walked over to the man. I smiled sweetly at him as I sat down next to him, just now noticing the tattoos on his hands being so close. He always wore a jacket, I wondered if there were more. And now, I could see he had his own lip ring. He was even hotter up close.

“Hey, I’m Bill.” I said, holding my hand out to him.

He did peek over at me, his eyes were intense. But I couldn’t figure out what emotion he was feeling, maybe a little annoyed at being disturbed. He didn’t take my hand, just looked back down at his drink, “Tom.” He said, his voice almost making me shudder with the single word. 

“I’ve seen you in here a lot lately,” I said as I pulled my hand back, “Are you new around here?”

“I don’t want to talk.” He said shortly, “If you would, please just go back to your friend and stop staring at me. It makes me uncomfortable,” he was polite, in a ‘fuck off’ kind of way. I couldn’t think of a much nicer way of saying ‘fuck off’ to me at least.

“You just seemed lonely, I thought you might like some company,” I explained, my tongue flicking over one of my own lip rings, “Why not come sit with us? You don’t have to say anything, sometimes just being around other people can make you feel better.”

“I don’t need to feel better about anything,” he said, shifting to pull money out of his pocket. He downed the rest of his drink, set two twenties on the bar and put the mug on top of them. “You’re cute, Bill. But I don’t want nor need your attention.” He looked at me again, if he would let me I could get lost in his eyes- just trying to figure them out. “Just leave me alone.” He got up after that, not saying anything else before he walked out of the bar.

One thing I was sure of, I was not going to be able to leave him alone. I needed to get to know him. I needed to know what that look in his eyes was. I needed to know why he was so quiet, why he was so against talking to anyone. He probably would have been better off ignoring me completely, because the few words I did get from him made me want more.

\--------

We didn’t see him there the next few days, it looked like me going up to him like that had made him more uncomfortable then I realized. Katie was a little pissed at me for it, she was interested in him too. She liked more how well he tipped her. I couldn’t change it though, and honestly even if I could, I wouldn’t. 

I was shocked when I saw him again, I was starting to think I never would. He was walking into the guitar shoppe I worked at just as I was getting off. He didn’t look around for anyone when he walked in, just went straight for the Gibsons and started to browse through them silently. It was a big shop, there was a lot to look at here. 

“I’ll go help him,” I said quickly to my co-worker Georg as he went to go from behind the counter.

“You’re already signed out and you hate helping people, why?” He asked curiously, smirking a little at me.

“I know him from the bar Ash and I go too, I got it.” I smiled at him, almost skipping as I headed over to the guy. My smile widened as I reached him, running my hand through my short hair. “Hey Tom, can I help you find anything?”

He seemed shocked for only a second to hear someone saying his name, but the look quickly disappeared and he shook his head at me, “No,” he said, reaching up and grabbing a black guitar from the wall. It was one of the most expensive ones we sold. “You can leave me alone now, Bill.” He said, obviously letting me know he did remember me.

“I work here, it’s my job to help,” I said with a soft shrug of my shoulder, “Do you need any amps? I can show you where they are.”

“I have amps, I don’t need any. I just need a new guitar. I found it. Will you leave me alone now?” He asked, I knew the look in his eyes this time. Desperation. He really wanted me to stop talking to him, didn’t want to be bothered. 

But I couldn’t do that. He should know that the more you push people away, the more they wanted to know you. Or maybe that was just me. Either way, I needed to know this man who was so desperate to be left alone. 

“Georg will ring you up over there,” I said, my smile not faltering, “After you get that, maybe we can go get some coffee?”

“Why?” He asked, frowning at me and rubbing one of his hands over his face, “Why won’t you leave me alone?”

“Because you want me too,” I said honestly, “You want me to leave you alone, then you have to give me some attention first. Buy your guitar and come get coffee with me, you’re different, you interest me.”

Tom looked me up and down and raised a brow at me, "Seriously? _You’re_ telling me that I’m different?”

“Don’t avoid it, Tom. Come get coffee with me,” I said again, reaching out to touch his shoulder but he quickly stepped away from my outstretched arm.

“And if I refuse?”

“Then I’ll see you again, and I’ll just keep bothering you until you do,” I said stubbornly, crossing my arms over my chest.

Tom sighed, shaking his head at me. “Fine,” he finally said, “One cup of coffee, then you have to leave me alone.” 

“Right.” I smiled, I knew it wasn’t likely to be the end of it, but at least it was getting him to agree to spend some time with me. I could watch him more, maybe find out what that hidden look behind his eyes was. 

I walked with him to the counter, he didn’t say a word to Georg as he paid for his guitar, surprisingly with cash. It weirded out Georg too, the guitar was almost seven thousand dollars with tax. Who actually carried that much money on them? After checking each bill with his marker to make sure they were real, Georg handed the guitar to Tom.

“You should be careful, dude. It’s not safe to carry this much cash on you,” He said, handing Tom his change and the receipt.

Tom just shrugged at him, shoving the money in his pocket before turning to leave. 

“See ya later, Geo,” I said, waving at the other male before I headed out of the store with Tom. I knew I shouldn’t be surprised when we got to Tom’s car, considering he just paid seven grand cash for that guitar in his hand. My eyes still widened when we walked up to a black Cadillac Escalade and Tom went to the driver’s side. “Get in, I know a place I like. People don’t bug me there.” He said, his eyes narrowing a little before we were both in the car.

We were silent as Tom drove to the coffee shoppe, Coffee of Doom. I had heard of this place, but I’d never been here. I heard the baristas were a little fucking crazy. For awhile there, they were a huge thing. They still seemed to be pretty busy when we walked in, but I remember a time when you couldn’t walk in here.

“Hey look! It’s our favourite killer!” A big chested brunette called when Tom walked into the place with me, “And he’s brought a date. What can I get for you today?” She smiled at Tom. 

“The usual,” he said with a shrug before looking at me, “And whatever he wants.”

“What do you want, princess?” She asked me and I frowned. “T-baby, you’re dates a diva.”

“He’s not my date. Just tell her what you want Bill. She’s not going to apologize,” He said, already handing the girl a twenty. “Where’s the blonde? She’s funny, I like watching her.”

“She’s in the back, ran off when you walked in. She’s scared of you.”

He actually laughed a little, shaking his head. “Of course she is. Just get me my coffee, Hailey.”

“I’ll just have a medium cappuccino,” I told her, a little jealous that she was able to make Tom laugh and smile. That he seemed comfortable with her. 

“I grew up with her,” Tom answered my unasked question as we walked to a table once she turned away to make our drinks, “She’s a bitch, but has every right to be one.” He looked over his shoulder and actually smiled a little fondly at her, “No idea why she still talks to me.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” I asked quickly, hoping to get a little insight on who this man really was.

There was no luck there though, he just shook his head and sat down, “No reason.”

“Do you like her?” I asked, he shook his head. “Did you guys ever date?” He shook his head again. “So… she was just a friend growing up?”

“Pretty much,” he shrugged, “She’s a nice girl.”

“Why did she call you a killer?”

“Can we talk about anything else besides me?” He asked, sighing and looking up at me as Hailey brought us our drinks. “Thanks, Hay. You can go now.”

“Tom, should you re-”

“I said you can go,” Tom snapped at her, his eyes glaring little daggers into her when he looked up, “Go back to work and leave us alone, okay?”

“Tom, I’m serious. You just-”

“God dammit, Hailey! Shuttup!” He snapped again and I leaned back a little, not expecting him to look so angry. He always looked so quiet, calm. So lost in his own little world. It was surprising to see so much emotion coming from him in so few words. “He’s not my date, and nothing is going to happen. I brought him here, shouldn’t that fucking make you happy enough? Jesus christ, give me a fucking break.”

“Tom, don’t you fucking _dare_ talk to me like that!” She snapped back, and my eyes widened. “You know I have every right to be-”

“ _Nothing is going to fucking happen_.” He growled at her, his hands curling around the table, “Just. Please, Hailey, go back to work.”

She looked at him with her own eyes narrowed, frowning at him before she sighed and gave in. When she walked away, Tom visibly relaxed, picking up his coffee and taking a sip of it. I wasn’t sure what to say. 

“Ready to run?” He asked me, I just shook my head. “You should.”

“Tom… what was all that about?” I asked him, tilting my head a little curiously at him. 

“She’s known me a long time.” He said with a shrug, “She’s right though. You shouldn’t be here with me. You shouldn’t be anywhere near me.” He said, not taking him eyes off of me anymore, “I told you to leave me alone, Bill.” His tone was as calm and almost monotone as it was every other time he had spoken to me. “Hailey did have every right to be worried.”

“Worried about what? I’m not going to hurt you, Tom.”

Tom laughed a little sadly, shaking his head and taking a drink again, “She’s not worried about me, Bill. She’s worried about you.”

“Worried about me?” I frowned, I was starting to think I should have just listened to him that night at the bar. I should just leave him alone, like he had asked to begin with. I barely knew anything about the man in front of me… but I did know that it just wasn’t a possibility anymore. If anything, the whole situation that I just witnessed made me want to know more. “Why would she worry about me, Tom? Are you going to hurt me?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” He shrugged, shifting a little uncomfortably in the chair, “If you’re smart though, you’ll listen to me. Once we leave here, you really should just leave me alone. I’m better off alone.”

“Was… was she being serious when she called you ‘killer’?” I asked, biting at my lip.

“You really should try the coffee, it’s good here.” He said instead, taking another drink of his own. “Before it gets cold.”

“You’re not going to tell me anything about yourself… are you?” I asked, tilting my head at the man in front of me. 

“Not a chance,” he said seriously, “Give up while you’re ahead. I’m not going to tell you anything.”

“Well, then maybe Hay-”

His eyes narrowed as soon as I started to mention the girls name and Tom’s hand slammed down on the table, “She _won’t_ tell you anything,” he growled, “And don’t go fucking bothering her with questions about me. All she’ll say to you is the same thing I have, she’ll tell you to leave me alone.”

“But… why?” I asked, finally picking up my own cup, “I don’t understand, Tom… I’m-”

“You don’t need to understand,” He said, cutting me off, the growl gone from his voice as he composed himself again, “I only agreed to this so you’d back off. If Hailey wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have even done that much. So now that you got your cup of coffee, are you going to leave me alone?”

“No…” I said honestly, chewing my lip as I looked at him, “I probably won’t… you haven’t scared me off, Tom, neither did she. All either of you have done is make me even more curious about you.”

“What part of you don’t need to know me are you missing? This is not going to turn out good for either of us if you keep on pressing… I am none of your business, and you’re none of mine. I shouldn’t even be hanging out with someone like you.” He frowned into his cup.

“What do you mean someone like me.”

“Someone I could like,” he said simply, setting down the cup and throwing a twenty on the table, “Take a cab home, not safe around here to walk, I gotta go.” 

I frowned at the money Tom threw on the table for a moment before watching his retreating back. I sat there for a moment still, not touching the bill, just staring out the door where he walked out. 

“He’s right yanno,” I almost jumped when she spoke to me, she was picking up Tom’s cup from the table and pushed the money towards me.

“You were listening to us?” I asked.

She just nodded, “Of course I was. Tom doesn’t bring people here, Tom doesn’t talk to anyone. I had to know what was going on. He’s knows I was listening.” She told me, running a hand through her own short hair, “He’s dangerous, princess. You’re better off just listening to him and backing off.”

“I don’t want too…” I said honestly, “What’s the worst that can happen? Would he really hurt me?”

“I don’t know,” she said, honesty in her own voice, “He won’t want too, of course, he’s got a good heart.” She obviously cared about him. “Just, do yourself a favour, and if not yourself, then do him a favour. Leave him alone.”


	2. Chapter 2

**|| TOM’S POV ||**

"Who is he, Tom?"

I wasn't surprised to hear my door open and her voice ringing through the loft like that, I was even less surprised to hear the accusing tone in her voice. I didn't want to hear her though, I didn't want her to be here. It should have been obvious when all three of the locks were done that I didn’t want to be bothered. That was the signal, wasn't it? Why the fuck did we come up with the signal if she was just going to fucking ignore it anyways? I didn't want to talk to her about him, I didn't want to talk to her at all right now.

"Just some guy," I finally answered when I knew she just wasn't going to go away. "He's that guy I was telling you about, the one that always stares at me with his friend when I’m down the street."

"Uh-huh, and what were you doing with him?" She asked as she walked over and sat down next to me like I invited her too or something. 

"Jesus christ, Hailey. I wasn't lying to you earlier. It wasn't anything. I told him to leave me alone. I stopped going to that bar to avoid him. How was I supposed to know he worked at the guitar place?" I grumbled at her, rubbing my face in my hands. I would just kick her out, but that wouldn't end well for me." He said he would leave me alone if I got some coffee with him. So I brought him there, now he's gonna leave me alone."

"Tom, are you that fucking thick?" She sighed at me, "He's not going too. He's going to look for you, he's set on knowing you now, for some weird reason. I don't know why anyone would want to know after you acted like that in the shoppe, which I'm still pissed about, by the way."

"Hailey, one… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap like that. You know I didn’t, but you _know_ you were getting too fucking close to saying something. And two… I don't want him around me." I assured her, though honestly I knew I was half lying to her. I was half lying to myself saying it. I wanted to not want him around me. 

But Jesus Christ.... that boy was fucking... stunning. He was exactly my type, tall, tattooed, pierced, pretty.... everything I wanted wrapped up in one beautiful package that couldn't have. Because I’m too fucking _dangerous_ to be around him. It wasn't fair. It's _**not**_ fair. "I'll avoid him, okay? If I see him anywhere, I’ll walk in the other direction."

"You don't want too... do you?" She asked me, reaching out and putting her hand on my knee.

I frowned, shaking my head in defeat. "No... not really." I admitted, "He wants to be around me... I know it's wrong, Hay... but I want that feeling again.”

“I want to be around you,” she said with a little frown and I rolled my eyes at her, “Seriously, Tom. I do, you’re my best friend.”

“You’re different, Hailey. You’re fucking psycho for wanting to be around me. Everyone who knows says so,” I frowned at her, “It’s different with him. He doesn’t know. He’s… _normal_. I want to be normal too.”

“You’re getting there, Tom…” she tried to sound reassuring, her hand tightening on my knee. She was trying to make me feel better, I know she just wants me to feel better. But she wasn’t. 

“We both know I’m not, not really at least,” I said, pushing her hand off of me and pushing myself up. “If I was getting there I wouldn’t be taking a fist full of fucking pills everyday.”

“Did you take them today?” She asked, I nodded at her. I always take them. “Have you taken any xanax since you got home? You seem like you need to calm down a little.”

“I fucking told you I’m not taking that shit,” I snapped at her, “I don’t have to take it to keep me fucking stable, mixed with everything else it just makes me fucking feel numb. Can we stop talking about it, Hailey? Jesus, we’ve had this exact same conversation twenty fucking times in the last month!”

"Maybe you should make an appointment with Gustav sooner?" She offered, wincing as soon as she said it.

I glared at her, my words almost a growl, she better fucking wince. She shouldn’t have even suggested it! "I'm not fucking seeing him until I have too! That fucker doesn't know his shit anyways."

"Tom! Don't say that, he's the only reason you're out!" She tried, pushing herself up now and following me into the kitchen area. 

“Well, he’s retarded, I shouldn’t be out. I’m not fucking ready to be out, I’m not fucking ready to be out with normal people. I still can’t fucking control my temper right, I still-”

“Tom!” She grabbed my shoulders and made me turn around, not letting me go even when I tried to get out of her grasp. “Yes, you still have temper flares. But a year ago you couldn’t compose yourself like you do now. You _are_ getting better, Tom. I promise. I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t think you were.”

I knew she wasn’t lying about that. I remember when she would only come near me behind a fucking glass wall. She was scared of me, she had every right to be. “Tom, sweetie…” she moved her hand to cup my cheek and smiled a little weakly at me, “I know it’s hard. Gustav told you it would be. We knew it was going to be hard for you to come back into the real world. But it’s only been a month… please, don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, it’s still not good for you to be _close_ to anyone new… but you’ll get to that point too. I promise.”

I sighed, shaking my head and pushing her away from me. She let me this time, I knew she could tell I was calmer. I felt calmer. Hailey was one of the only reasons Gustav thought I could do this. I had her, even if I didn’t have anyone else anymore. “I don’t like the real world, Hailey. I want to go back.”

“Call Gustav,” she suggested again, leaning close and wrapping a hand around my neck so she could pull me close and kiss my cheek. “Go see him tomorrow. _Talk_ to him. Tell him about the princess… see what he thinks. Maybe you are ready and we don’t know it. I mean, you didn’t lay a finger on him today… that’s a good sign.”

“If you stop bringing him up, I’ll call him tomorrow,” I grumbled.

“Good,” she finally let me go and I instantly scratched at my skin where she was touching me. I hated it when she did that. My skin tingled strangely where she touched me, I do not like to be touched. Maybe she was right though, even just a few months ago, I would have snapped at her for touching me. “Take your sleep pills, Tom. I’ll come see you in the morning.”

\--------

“So what’s going on, Tom?” Gustav asked me after I sat down in his office, “Can’t lie, I’m rather surprised you asked to see me today since our appointment isn’t until next week.”

I don’t like him much, but Gustav isn’t as stupid as I like to pretend he is. For example, he knows I don’t like him and would rather not have to ever see him. He’s actually really fucking smart though. He’s only three years older than I am, but he’s so much fucking smarter than me. Then any other twenty-six year old I know.

“I dunno, I promised Hailey I would call you.” I grumbled, leaning back in the chair and crossing my arms over my chest. I was regretting keeping my promise by the second. He always wanted to _talk_ , what the fuck did talking ever do to help anyone?

“Yeah, I got that when you said ‘Hailey said to see you today. I have to come in.’ Now how about you tell me why Hailey felt you needed to come see me on such short notice?” He asked, sitting back in his own chair calmly, crossing one of his legs over the other.

I hate him. I hate how fucking calm he is all the time. I hate that he remains the fucking same, calm, asshole of a psychiatrist even if I start screaming at him. “I don’t know.” I snapped. He didn’t say anything, just looked at me from over his glasses and waited for me to answer honestly. I groaned, my head falling back. “I want to go back,” I finally said, shaking my head, “I think you were wrong, I don’t think I’m ready to be out here.”

“Tom, just the fact that you don’t think you’re ready and _want_ to go back just tells me that you’re actually ready to do this,” he said, tapping his fingers together, “What happened this time? Why do you want to go back? Have you been getting out like I suggested?”

“Yes,” I said, kicking my feet a little, “Until the last few days at least… I was going to that bar. I don’t drink anymore then one… and I don’t snap at anyone… and I’m… nice, I guess. But I had to stop going.”

“Why did you stop going?”

“I don’t wanna talk about that,” I said with a huff, looking away from him. “I bought a new guitar yesterday… Hailey thinks I should start playing again.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Gustav agreed, nodding slightly at me, “Hailey is smart, you need to listen to her more. She’s only got your best interest at heart.”

“I already fucking know that,” I snapped at him, “I do fucking listen to her, okay? Jesus christ! I feel like she’s trying to be my mom half the time, and I don’t fucking need her to be my mom.”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” Gustav said, still just as calm and I felt my temper rising seeing him just sit there like that. “Now tell me what I don’t know. What happened to make you come today, Tom? Something changed for you to come see me on your own accord.”

I groaned, curling my fingers so tightly in my hands I felt like I could almost draw blood. “Someone keeps staring at me,” I told him. He didn’t say anything, just waited for me to continue. I chewed on my lip ring, I didn’t want to talk about him. I wanted to forget about him. But he had told both of us he wasn’t going to stop, and I don’t want hurt the guy. “He’s… fucking beautiful. He would stare at me at the bar, and the other day… he came up to me.” 

I knew what was going to happen now, Gustav was going to stare at me silently. Drive me fucking crazy with that look of his until I gave in and told the rest of it. “He said some shit, I don’t remember what. I told him to leave me alone and I left. I haven’t gone back since. That’s when Hailey suggested buying the guitar, to give me something else to do since I refused to go back there.” 

We had already talked about the bar before, why I liked it. People hadn’t bothered me there. The bartender was a nice girl, she didn’t say anything about me only having one drink and just sitting at the bar. Hailey said it was because I over-tipped her, but as long as she didn’t pry I didn’t care how much I gave her. She only ever asked if I wanted anything else, and that was her job. 

“I didn’t fucking know he worked at that music shop though. I looked it up online, they had the guitar I wanted. And he was just, he was fucking _there_. I told him to leave me alone again and he wouldn’t. He said he would just keep bugging me unless I went and got coffee with him.”

“And did you?”

“I… I did,” I admitted, frowning to myself. “He, he was even in my car. I haven’t felt that fucking tense in so long… he was _right there_ , like he was always on the verge of saying something but didn’t. Or… or reaching out to touch me.” I shuddered a little. I don’t think anyone will ever understand how much that sucked. Wanting so much to be normal, to be able to like someone, too want to _want_ to be touched. But the idea of it sending shudders down my spine. 

“So what happened, Tom?” Gustav asked calmly, not giving away anything. Not if I had done something wrong or right. I _needed_ to know if I did something wrong. It was driving me nuts not knowing. 

“I took him to Coffee of Doom. I knew… I knew if Hailey was there, I wouldn’t do anything to him. Hailey and I… we, we arugued. I lost my temper at her, and at him… and… I just, I fucked up,” I groaned in frustration, “Why wouldn’t he just leave me alone when I told him too? Why did he make me take himf or fucking coffee?”

“Did you hurt him, Tom?” He asked me, still as fucking calm as ever.

“I didn’t!” I snapped at him, pushing myself to sit upright more, “God, he pissed me off. I wanted to punch him right in that pretty fucking face of his when he mentioned talking to Hailey about me. But I didn’t. I yelled at him, but I didn’t fucking touch him.”

“Tom… that’s progress, really good progress.” He actually smiled at me, “I remember distinctly you’re hands wrapped around my throat after you found out that I was talking to Hailey, when we weren’t even talking about you.”

I felt my face heat up, I remembered that too. It was only a year ago, when Gustav first got assigned to me after my last psychiatrist quit on me. I had been furious to find out this man was talking to her, he hadn’t needed to talk to her, he hadn’t even talked to me yet. I remember being so mad. I remember _thinking_ about doing that… I don’t remember doing it though. The next thing I knew I was in restraints tied to my bed, and Gustav was sitting there waiting for me to wake up to talk to me. He told me what I did. The first time I met the man, I tried to hurt him. And he was still there. I hated him for still being there. 

“Yeah, well… I didn’t do anything to him,” I snapped again, my arms crossing over my chest again. 

“So… what I’m getting from this is you want to go back because you had coffee with a cute guy, didn’t hurt him, and actually managed to calm yourself down without use of any medication?” Gustav raised a brow at me and I just nodded at him. “There’s more to it, Tom. You’re leaving something out. I cannot justify sending you back to that hellhole when you did everything right.”

“He said he’s not going to leave me alone,” I said, hating the desperation in my voice. “I don’t want to hurt him. But he’s not Hailey… if he touches me… I, I just, I can’t have him around me. I don’t know what I’ll do and he said he won’t back off.”

“I don’t think he should,” Gustav said simply and my eyes widened. “I think that he could be really good for you, Tom. You need someone other than just Hailey in your life.”

“Let me get this straight, suddenly it’s _okay_ for me to be around other people like that?”

“You did everything right, Tom. Yes, it’s okay. Not a lot of people of course, but one more person in your life at a time… it’ll be good. You just, have to explain it to him. That’s all.” Gustav told me.

My eyes widened and I pushed myself to my feet, “Are you out of your _fucking_ mind?!” I snapped at him, “I’m not explaining myself to this kid! I don’t want anyone fucking knowing in the real world!”

“Tom, stop yelling…”

“And you fucking think that just up and telling him is good _fucking_ idea?! God, you’re a fucking idiot! I don’t know why I even came here, this was so fucking stupid! You’re fucking stupid! If I wanted to be around a bunch of people who know who the fuck I am I would have moved back to my home town, not here! Are you that fucking obtuse not to know that!?”

“Obtuse… good word,” he mused, not seeming to be phased at all that I was screaming at him. I just stared at him for a moment, how was he always so damn _calm_. “Are you done?”

I glared at him a little, but I nodded anyways. His calmness… it had a way of doing that to me. Shocking me back into reality to be able to compose myself again. “Yes,” I mumbled a little. 

“Good, now sit back down,” he said, motioning back to the couch and I shuffled my feet a little before listening. “You misunderstood me, Tom. I didn’t mean to tell him everything. You don’t have too, not now at least. Just explain to him that if he really wants to be around you, it has to be on your terms.”

“My terms?” I didn’t understand what he meant, my terms would be to not have him around at all. 

“If this boy were to stay around you, you need to tell him what you need him to do to not push you too far. You’re right, you’re not ready for something… comlpetely normal right now. But having another friend isn’t a bad thing, and if he doesn’t comply… than we’ll talk and we’ll figure something else out. Okay?”

I chewed on my lip a little, nodding at him. Well, that made sense I suppose. And really… that was if he was serious about seeing me again. 

“So, go see him. Talk to him. You can always leave whenever you want, no one is going to force you to stay somewhere you’re uncomfortable anymore.”

\--------

I couldn’t believe I was actually taking his advice, the closer I got to the bar the more I wanted to just turn around. _He might not even be there_. I kept reminding myself that. I kept hoping he wouldn’t be. If he wasn’t… then I tried, and I can forget about it. 

He was there… sitting at the end of the bar with the same girl I always saw him with. His smile was wide as he laughed at something the girl was saying to him. I liked his smile… he was even prettier when he smiled. I just stood there for a moment, watching them, trying to get up the courage to actually do this. I took in a breath as I walked over to the pair, both of their eyes instantly snapped too me when I got close enough.

Hers were as wide as saucers, she looked frightened just to be near me. His smile grew though, he didn’t look scared. I really like that he didn’t look scared of me… even Hailey was still scared of me sometimes. But she knew the real me. “Hey…” I said, pulling my lip ring into my mouth. The girl squeaked a little, as if she was shocked I said anything.

“Hey Tom, didn’t think I’d see you here tonight.”

“Didn’t think I’d be here,” I said honestly, nodding at the girl behind the bar when he held up an empty mug, asking if I wanted something. That would have to work. I wanted something a helluva lot stronger, but I couldn’t. Not on these meds. “I want to talk to you…”

“Okay… let’s talk,” Bill smiled at me, patting the seat next to him.

I shifted a little, looking at the girl next to him and shook my head, “No, come sit over there with me,” I said, nodding to the empty side of the little bar where I always sat.

“Okay,” he agreed easily, standing up and reaching out for me.

I quickly stepped back from him and shook my head, “No… just… just come sit.” I said, quickly turning away from them, walking quickly to the other side of the bar where Katie was already setting my drink down.


	3. Chapter Three

**|| BILL’S POV ||**

He wasn’t saying anything to me, we’d been sitting here for ten minutes and he just stared down at his beer with his hands wrapped around the glass so tightly I could see his knuckles were turning white. “Yanno, Tom… to talk, you kinda have to open your mouth and _say_ something to me. And then I’ll say something back, that’s how a conversation works,” I finally said, reaching out to touch his shoulder to try and get his attention.

He quickly jerked away before I could, shaking his head at me again. “No, I know. Just… just give me a minute, okay. I’m not good at this.”

“Not good at what? Talking?” I laughed a little, smiling sweetly at the mysterious boy next to me.

He shook his head again, “I’m not good with people…” he said, finally looking up at me again.

“Well, yeah… so I’ve noticed already. How about telling me something I don’t know about you?” I asked.

“You said you weren’t going to leave me alone,” he said, looking at me seriously.

I nodded at him, taking a sip of my drink as I stared back at him, “That’s right, I won’t,” I told him honestly, “You’ve gotten me curious about you… and I want to know you. So, I’m not going to leave you alone. If you asked to talk to tell me too again, Tom… then this is going to be a really pointless conversation.”

“I didn’t…” he shook his head, “Look… if you’re not going too.. it’s just. I just,” he trailed off, groaning in frustration, his hand curling into a fist and hitting the bar top. Katie looked over at us, but turned her attention away when she saw everything seemed okay. I frowned a little though. I couldn’t understand what was so hard about this. I could tell he wasn’t that good with people, everyone who stepped foot in the bar the past month knew that. 

“If you’re going to be around… there’s…. there’s some rules,” he said.

“Rules?”

“Yes,” Tom nodded a little at me, “And no, you cannot ask why there are rules, there just are. That’s, that’s rule number one…”

“Okay…” I tilted my head curiously, “Go on, I’m listening. What are these rules to get you not to run from me whenever I wanna talk to you?”

“You can’t touch me,” He said, his voice more serious than I had heard it before, “I don’t like to be touched, nothing at all. Okay?” I nodded at him, urging him to keep going on. No touching… it would be hard, but I could handle that, even if I didn’t understand it. “You can’t bother Hailey with _any_ questions about me. None. No, you cannot ask why. Honestly, I would like it if you didn’t talk to her at all but I know she’s not going to go for that.”

“You can ask me anything you want, but if I don’t want to answer it, do _not_ push it. Just drop whatever you were going to ask.” He said, never taking his eyes off of mine. “That’s it…” He said, scratching at the back of his neck. “I know rules might seem stupid or silly to you, but seriously, they’re for your own protection, not mine.” He said, sighing a little, “And if you can’t agree to them… then you really cannot be around me.”

I smiled at him as he finished, wanting to reach out and assure him I understood, that no touching him thing was going to be harder than I thought. “Okay,” I said with a nod, “No touching, no fucking with Hailey, and no pressing your buttons. For my own protection.” He nodded at me, “I can do that.” He actually smiled a little, looking relieved. “How about we get out of here than? Somewhere you’re more comfortable. You never seem very comfortable here.”

“I’m not,” he admitted, “I guess that’s supposed to be the point or something, I dunno.” He shrugged, but he was pulling out money from his pocket and placing it under his untouched drink. “Not tonight though… I can’t. I got shit to do.” He said, pushing himself up from the bar, “I live in the complex down the street. You can come by tomorrow if you want. Four D,” he said, smiling a little weakly at me before he was turning his back on me to leave.

I’m really glad that he agreed to let me be around him without running now, because now more than ever, I _have_ to get to know him. I have never met anyone so… strange in my life. But, not in a bad way. He seemed shy, and reserved. But like there was something about him just begging to be let out. I needed to know that part of him, I needed to know all of him. I knew I’d be going there tomorrow. Four D, I just hope he remembers he invited me in the morning and wasn’t just wasted coming here.

\--------

Georg was sitting in a chair, messing with one of the bass guitars as I sat on the counter and told him more about Tom. He had been almost as curious as I was since Tom bought his guitar in cash like that. Though really, none of what I had to tell him eased his own curiosity much. These weren’t the facts that he wanted to know. Georg didn’t care about the same things I did, he just wanted to know how someone our age had that kind of disposable _cash_ on him.

“So if I’m getting you right, you’re _excited_ to go to this guys place after work? After he gives you a bunch of rules… one of them being no touching him? Bill… yesterday morning you climbed on my back because you were bored. You enjoy touching people. How are you gonna manage to not touch this guy?” He asked me.

I stuck my tongue out at him, shrugging my shoulder. It was a bad example, I knew him. I wouldn’t just climb on Tom’s back when I barely know him. But he was right, I am very touchy feely with just about everyone. “I can do it, I can not touch people, Geo.”

“Even if you can, this whole thing still has bad idea written all over it,” Georg shook his head, “ _Normal_ people don’t have rules like that for talking to cute guys?”

“Awe, you think I’m cute?” I smiled, batting my lashes playfully at my friend. 

Georg rolled his eyes, “You know you’re hot, shutup and don’t change the subject, Bill. I’m serious. It sounds like something one of those people Gus works with would say.”

“Tom’s not crazy, Georg, he’s… different. There’s a difference. He’s just shy,” I shook my head at him, “How is Gusti anyways? I haven’t seen him in awhile, I’m starting to miss him.”

“He’s fine, we’re great, stop changing the subject. I don’t think you should go,” He said, setting the guitar back on it’s stand and looked at me seriously, “I think you’ll regret it if you do. I mean, he said these are for _your_ protection… Bill, that’s a huge red sign right there that says ‘Back off! Move in the opposite direction! Crazy lives here!’ Don’t go, dude.” 

“I’m going, Georg.” I shook my head at him, “If you’re _that_ worried about it, talk to your boyfriend. He’ll probably just tell you that you’re being paranoid because of all the horror stories you’ve heard since he got out of school and started working with those people.”

“You’ve heard him too! You remember how shaken up he was that first week on the job? When he came home and had that bruise around his neck because a patient tried to fucking choke him? I have every right to be paranoid that you’re going to some guys house, who could very well be a drug dealer, and a psycho with freaky fucking rules.” Georg was serious, I could see that, but I still couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I _highly_ doubt he’s a drug dealer, Georg. He’s not the type. And he’s not psycho, he’s just shy. Maybe I can help him with that,” I smiled at my friend, pulling out my phone to see the time before I slid off the counter. “Well, I was allowed out of here ten minutes ago, so I’m gonna go.”

“Bill…”

“I know, Georg, and I’ll be careful, I promise.” I smiled at him, moving to the register to punch out before I gave Georg a quick hug and was nearly running out the door. 

It was a little stupid how excited I was to go to this mans house who I knew close to nothing about. A part of me knew that Georg was at least a little right about the whole thing… like earlier when he told me I should have just left the guy alone after him and his friend both told me to back off, that they kept saying it was for my own protection. That Tom had told me his rules were for my protection. 

I really didn’t think the shy, nearly unfriendly man was a drug dealer. But on the same hand, Georg _could_ have been right about him being a little off. Georg thought he was a fucking nutcase, but I don’t think he could be that bad. 

It didn’t take me long to walk to Tom’s place after stopping at my own to change, bouncing on my toes a little excitedly as I knocked on his door. It surprised me how excited I was to see this man I barely knew, this man that my friends thought I should stay away from.

“Yeah, hold up a fuck, I’ll be there in a second!” Tom called from the other side of the door. I heard a little shuffling around the apartment before he came to the door, looking a little confused when he saw me there.

“You didn’t say a specific time, is now okay?” 

“Oh, right,” He scratched at the back of his neck, chewing on his lip a little before he moved away from the door. “Yeah, come on in I guess,” he mumbled, shutting the door after I came in. “Uhm, take a seat I guess, I’ll be back in a second. Do you, want something to drink or something?”

“Sure, whatever is fine with me,” I smiled at him and he nodded, walking to the kitchen. He pulled a bottle of pills from the drawer and took whatever it was before grabbed some cokes from the fridge and bringing me one. 

“So… what do you want to talk about?” I asked him, curling my feet under me on the couch and taking a sip of the coke Tom had handed too, “I figure, with all your rules about what we can and cannot talk about that you should steer the conversation.”

“I dunno,” Tom shrugged, “I don’t talk with a lot of people.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t get along with people,” he shrugged, running a hand through his long hair and sighed, “I don’t think you realize how weird it is for me to just have you in my place. I don’t. I’m not used to this.”

“Well, hasn’t that Heather girl been here?”

“Hailey,” he corrected me, “But yes, she has. She doesn’t count though, Hailey is different. She’s-”

“She’s known you a long time,” I finished for him and he smirked a little at me. “Well, think of me like her. Just a friend, someone you can talk too about anything.”

Tom laughed at me, shaking his head, “No, I can’t talk to you about anything. Bill, I seriously can’t figure out why you even want to be around me. This is… so far from safe for you.”

“You and Hailey keep saying that to me. And yanno, whenever I bring up anything to my friends they say the same thing. That you’re weird and you’re probably not safe.” I told him.

“You should listen to them,” he nodded.

“No, no I shouldn’t. They’re off their rockers. Well, my friends are at least. Ashley, she thinks you killed someone. And Georg, the guy at the guitar shop you met, he thinks you’re a drug dealer.” I laughed, Tom still held a serious look on his face though, “You’re not, right?”

“Of course I’m not a drug dealer, that’s just stupid,” he shook his head. “Besides, wouldn’t drug dealers have to be like, good with people or something?” He asked, a small smile playing on his lips, “You have to be able to talk to people to sell them shit, the first time you said anything to me I walked out.”

“Yeah, talking to people would help in a business like that,” I laughed a little, smiling even wider seeing that little one playing on his own lips, “Unless you’re like, head hancho or something. Maybe you just talk to your dealers, Hailey is really one of your dealers and that’s why she won’t tell me anything about you. Right?” I teased a little.

Tom laughed this time, shaking his head. “The idea of Hailey ever working for me is fucking laughable. The idea of her selling drugs is even funnier.”

“Well, you did have an awful lot of cash on you to buy that guitar, most people would have just paid with a credit card or something.” I shrugged, “I see where Georg was coming from, even if I don’t think he’s right.”

“I have… a lot of disposable income. It was my parents money,” he shrugged his shoulder a little at me.

“Was?”

“They’re dead.”

“I’m so sorry… that must have been hard to deal with,” I said with a little frown of my own now.

“Cash is just easier. I take out what I need for the week, and that’s that. It helps me keep track of how much I spend that way,” He said, obviously changing the subject. I sighed. Okay, so his parents were off limits. Got it.

“How do you keep track of how much you spend when you give out such huge amounts all the time? I mean like, Katie tells me you leave her ridicouas tips every night,” I asked curiously.

“I like her. She doesn’t ask questions. And I’m not in need of the money, she is. She’s putting herself through school, I respect her for that.” 

Katie was going to school? I didn’t even know that. “How do you know that? When did she tell you?”

“She didn’t,” Tom shrugged, “The first time I was there, her boyfriend was there. They were argueing about money. He had said something to her about how if she would just drop out of school they wouldn’t have the problem. So, I started giving her bigger tips,” he shrugged a little at me, “I figure anyone who wants to better themselves should be able too…”

“Wow…” I smiled at him, “You really are a good guy, Tom, aren’t you?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I’m really not. She’s a good person, not me. She deserves it is all.” Tom pulled a hair-tie off his wrist and pulled his hair back, “She wants to be a doctor. Medical school is expensive. I don’t know why that man would tell her to drop out of medical school.”

“Katie wants to be a doctor… god, I kinda feel like an ass for not knowing this,” I frowned a little, “I always just assumed she was doing what she wanted. She always seems so happy at the bar.”

“Looks like you need to stop assuming shit about people.”

“You mean about you, don’t you?”

“About everyone,” he clarified, “When you’re like me… yanno, quiet and keep to yourself a lot a shit… you learn more about people. People don’t usually pay much attention to the quiet person. You and your giggling frightened friend were the different ones. You watched me, you made assumptions about me too, so you weren’t watching right.”

“So you’re a people watcher?” I asked him and he shook his head, “You just notice things then,” he nodded. “Tell me something else about you, Tom… I want to know more.”

“How about you tell me something about you? You’re in my loft, and I don’t know anything about you either other then your name being Bill and that you work in that music store.”

“Okay, about me then.” I smiled, shifting a little to set my drink down, “Bill Kaulitz, I’m twenty-three years old, I sing, I was going to school for music but I dropped out when my parents stopped paying for it. My dad wanted me to do something in business like him and I didn’t want too. I… grew up here my entire life. Georg and Ashley are my best friends. I’ve been single for a year since I broke up with my last boyfriend, Kyyle, aaand, uhm, geeze, I have never had such a hard time talking about myself before,” I chewed on my lip a little, trying to think of something about me that might be of some interest to the man in front of me.

“I’m allergic to apples and mosquito bites, my favourite colour is orange. I… hate my feet. I’m superstitious. I hate potatoes, broccoli, and chocolate. I bite my nails when I’m nervous, but I can’t stand when other people do it. I’m scared of bugs, especially spiders. I’ve never done my own laundry. I want to own monkey some day. I’m kinda an ego-maniac sometimes, but I’m friendly, and as you’ve probably noticed rather spontaneous.” 

“We’re the same age,” Tom finally said, and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “What? What did I say?”

“N-nothing,” I said between my giggles, “It’s, it’s just… I gave you an onslaught of information about me, and the only thing you notice is that we’re the same age,” I said, forcing myself to stop laughing now. “There’s nothing wrong with it, of course, it’s just, kinda funny.”

“It’s, it’s not funny… it’s just, I noticed it is all,” he almost stuttered his words out, I found it cute. “When’s your birthday?” He asked, “I wanna know whos older.”

“September first.” 

“Damn,” he frowned, almost pouted at me, “Well, that tells me nothing. That’s actually my birthday too.”

“Liar,” I laughed, “You just don’t want to admit I’m older than you, do you?” I asked, grinning a little, “When’s your real birthday?”

“Really, it’s September first,” he said seriously, smiling at me, “You could be older than me, but not by anymore then a few hours or so.

“That’s so cool!” I squeaked a little, shifting on my knees, “Well, then we should celebrate our birthdays together next month! Ashley wants to throw a big party at the bar for me, we can make it for both of us. Good music, good drinks, presents. It would be awesome! What do you think?”

“No,” Tom frowned, “Bill, I don’t like people, remember? And I would prefer to forget it’s my birthday at all. So please don’t bring up a party again. I don’t want one, and I will not be coming to yours. I like that bar because it’s quiet, I don’t wanna be there while there is a party going on. Okay?”

I frowned at him, but nodded anyways, “Okay…” I said with a little sigh, “That just sounds, really boring is all. I just thought, yanno, everyone likes to celebrate their birthday.”

“I’ve never had a party in my life,” He shrugged, “It’s no big deal. I didn’t have them when I was a kid, I don’t wanna have them now.”

“That’s…. that’s really sad, Tom. Why didn’t you ever have any parties?”

“I dunno, I just never did. My parents didn’t throw parties for me,” He shrugged, scratching at the back of his neck a little, “Hailey used to think it was weird too, but it’s, it’s not. It’s just how I grew up. Everyone grows up differently.”

“Werre your parents mormon?”

“What?”

“The only people I know who don’t celebrate birthdays are Mormons, I was just curious if your parents were, if you are.”

“I don’t even know what a mormon is,” Tom shook his head, “No, they weren’t? We just, didn’t celebrate shit. Birthdays, holidays, achievements… nothing really.”

I looked at him with wide eyes, brushing my hand through my blond locks, “No holidays? Not even christmas?” He shook his head at me, “So, you never got any presents?”

“Hailey gave me a present once, I made her take it back,” he shrugged, “I had a credit card by the time I was like, nine. I bought whatever I wanted. Kind of the reason I only use cash now. I didn’t pay attention to what I spent money on when I was a kid. I didn’t care.”

“You weren’t close to your parents, were you?” I asked, he was talking about them now, I wanted to know whatever he would tell me. 

“No, not really,” he shrugged, “It’s not a big deal. I had Hailey… that was good enough for me. That was all I really needed.”

“You… grew up very different then anyone I know…”

He just shrugged at me again, chewing on his lip ring, “You have no idea, Bill…”


End file.
